Waltz with my Shadow

I acknowledge my dark side, my shadow, yet at times I think that I tell myself that I need to ignore it so that I may remain positive. What is a positive without a negative though?

William Blake spoke about the need to reconcile these two parts of self. He said we should go to heaven for form and to hell for energy - and marry the two. When we can face our inner heaven and our inner hell, this is the highest form of creativity. (Owning your own Shadow - Robert A. Johnson)

Out in the sun you at times can get blinded, yet within the Shadows there you can find some truth and a quiet resolve. I have been attempting to paint or draw again and I find myself hesitating. Why? normally when I paint or draw it is when I am feeling a bit down or blue, yet instead of letting those emotions flow I go against the grain and choose brighter hues, which then the flow just seems to come to a halt.

It is as if I placed myself in this box saying "that is not you anymore" "be positive" "be strong", yet I forget that I have found strength through my darkest days, which has brought me along to find Heaven on the other side.

I may not be so afraid of my own shadow, yet maybe my fear is of what others will think of my Shadow Dancing.

To feed ones own Shadow is a tasty treat at times:

My Shadows tastes are Slow Low Cello music, wrenching violin, and deep woods blowing through a clarinet.

So now I extend my hand and invite you to dance:

 

Waltz with my Shadow.

Death~ the end or beginning

circle of time were caught

in turning endlessly

                        ~ spiraling on

on this plane           I touch,

                   Feel,   See,

                                    Reality

Maybe

       yet this could be the

Hell walk until I

Cross over to my life waking

 

Maybe

         We are already dead

and through the final

    dying we are born

                         the Birth Canal

                          of Light and Life

Yet

What if there is only darkness

at the end?

Maybe that is why we fight so hard

to stay in our death -walk

our Living Hell             ~ Nikki Bartel

                                              Chalk Drawing done by Nikki Bartel - 2000


Darkness coursing through my veins
I am my own set of works
pushing it into myself
wrap the tourniquet tight
feel the pounding pulsate
blocking my life flow
                            no escape,
you can't trap darkness
like blood it's everywhere
in all things
you can clench it til it stops
yet it's forever forming and reproducing
entering different branches of the
                                    Mind
                                            Body
                                                  and Spirit
Draw it out slowly,
yet to release too much  is to die.             ~ Nikki Bartel

                                       Acrylic Painting and Mixed Media by Nikki Bartel - 2003

Myaeyz hizhare

                    Daughter killed

floating parts in the

                      fishbowl burn

Glass eyed stare - to the

              out world

piece fell out

flopping flesh

Breast full to feed

Feed off my flesh 

*Dead seed
float out
no cushion to lay
thought I didn't want
but I did in a way
dead seed won't grow today
layed out on a mouse
flush them out sewer below
splash a bye - sad to see you go
myeyz hizhare
down the drain
aeRaeven Morgaine

                                                           ~ Nikki Bartel (ode to a miscarriage)

 

 

 

Thank you for Dancing.