I acknowledge my dark side, my shadow, yet at times I think that I tell myself that I need to ignore it so that I may remain positive. What is a positive without a negative though?
William Blake spoke about the need to reconcile these two parts of self. He said we should go to heaven for form and to hell for energy - and marry the two. When we can face our inner heaven and our inner hell, this is the highest form of creativity. (
Owning your own Shadow - Robert A. Johnson)
Out in the sun you at times can get blinded, yet within the Shadows there you can find some truth and a quiet resolve. I have been attempting to paint or draw again and I find myself hesitating. Why? normally when I paint or draw it is when I am feeling a bit down or blue, yet instead of letting those emotions flow I go against the grain and choose brighter hues, which then the flow just seems to come to a halt.
It is as if I placed myself in this box saying "that is not you anymore" "be positive" "be strong", yet I forget that I have found strength through my darkest days, which has brought me along to find Heaven on the other side.
I may not be so afraid of my own shadow, yet maybe my fear is of what others will think of my Shadow Dancing.
To feed ones own Shadow is a tasty treat at times:
My Shadows tastes are Slow Low Cello music, wrenching violin, and deep woods blowing through a clarinet.
So now I extend my hand and invite you to dance:
Waltz with my Shadow.
Death~ the end or beginning
circle of time were caught
in turning endlessly
~ spiraling on
on this plane I touch,
Feel, See,
Reality
Maybe
yet this could be the
Hell walk until I
Cross over to my life waking
Maybe
We are already dead
and through the final
dying we are born
the Birth Canal
of Light and Life
Yet
What if there is only darkness
at the end?
Maybe that is why we fight so hard
to stay in our death -walk
our Living Hell ~ Nikki Bartel
Chalk Drawing done by Nikki Bartel - 2000
Darkness coursing through my veins
I am my own set of works
pushing it into myself
wrap the tourniquet tight
feel the pounding pulsate
blocking my life flow
no escape,
you can't trap darkness
like blood it's everywhere
in all things
you can clench it til it stops
yet it's forever forming and reproducing
entering different branches of the
Mind
Body
and Spirit
Draw it out slowly,
yet to release too much is to die. ~ Nikki Bartel
Acrylic Painting and Mixed Media by Nikki Bartel - 2003
Myaeyz hizhare
Daughter killed
floating parts in the
fishbowl burn
Glass eyed stare - to the
out world
piece fell out
flopping flesh
Breast full to feed
Feed off my flesh
*Dead seed
float out
no cushion to lay
thought I didn't want
but I did in a way
dead seed won't grow today
layed out on a mouse
flush them out sewer below
splash a bye - sad to see you go
myeyz hizhare
down the drain
aeRaeven Morgaine
~ Nikki Bartel (ode to a miscarriage)
Thank you for Dancing.
